Life as an over weight child

11  years old  

So something very odd has happened to me over the last week and half. Something that I have never cared about before is taking over me....this has been since I have stopped all dairy in my diet. I have suddenly become one of those moms that actually reads labels and what is added into my food. I have never cared about not buying foods that have 5 million ingredients, some I can't pronounce, heck most I can't pronounce or even know what they are. But suddenly I care. It immediately goes back on the shelf. Suddenly I am putting things back that have too many items on the list. This seems to be especially important to me as I pack my 5 year olds lunch box for summer camp. I want him to eat healthier, I want him to have more vegetables and fruits. I want him to have less processed crap, less sugar, less junk. So that is what I am working on changing up in my house. I don't know why I have not ever cared about this, maybe because I didn't care enough about myself or what I put in my mouth, but now I am so much more aware, especially as a mom. I have always referred to people that care about this sort of thing as "granola moms" or kind of crunchy. You know...the ones that buy organic only, don't shave their pits and legs and always smell of patchouli and the Natural Foods stores? Well non of that is going on yet lol, but I do want to make healthier food choices for my household, not just for me. I guess I just want better for my son. I want him to grow up healthier, I want him to not have to worry about his weight, I want him to eat REAL food, not processed crap that is killing all of us. Every time I go to Splashtown, or the beach or the ponds, I see so many over weight kids busting out of their bathing suits. They have huge stomachs, big rolls, and are chowing down on chips, desserts and crapola. That was me as a kid, I WAS that kid. I ate junk, I was chubby even then. If I knew that I wouldn't offend the kids mothers, I would say something to them, but I don't because its not my business. But I just want to say "what are you doing? Your kid will grow up to be me! STOP THIS BEFORE ITS TOO
LATE".


Above is me at age 11. Yes I know I was ultra stylish with my 90210 outfit! LOL Already an awkward age, but being heavy was not something that I would wish upon anyone, especially a child. I was teased, called fat, kids would snicker and make noises as I walked by. I was never part of the cool crowd, never into sports, I felt like I didn't fit in. I had friends that didn't care about that sort of thing, but I would have given anything to be one of the popular beautiful girls in school and I was anything but. I would come home from school depressed and was teased on the bus. People would say "moooo" or "fatty" as I walked from the back of the bus to the front. I always tried to get a seat in the front, but sometimes I couldn't. I remember having such anxiety the whole way home dreading when I had to walk by those mean boys calling me fat. I would go home crying to my mom that kids made fun of me. It was awful.


So I went home and did what made me feel better. I ate junk. I filled up on soda, chips, pop tarts, candy, grilled cheese, a whole box of Mac and Cheese, Oodles of noodles, Spaghetti O's and anything else that made me feel better. This was all BEFORE dinner, then I would eat a full meal with my family. I rarely got exercise and preferred to sit and watch TV. My life revolved around eating. When I was sad, I ate. When it was a holiday, I ate. When we celebrated something, we all ate. I didn't eat one serving of food either, I had 2 or 3, maybe even 4! I ate til I was stuffed full and could barely move and my stomach hurt.


Fast forward to a twenty something over weight adult at 276 lbs in 1998. I decided to take control of my weight and lost 65 lbs, I went out with friends, I felt terrific, I met my spouse. Several kids later and lots of heart ache (the death of my child) and all the weight piled back on and then some. Before I decided to make changes last year I was at 294 but saw the highest as 296 at one point. I never saw the 300 mark, and I'm thankful for that.


Now more than ever I do not want my child to suffer the same torment and teasing in school. So far he seems to have his fathers slender build and I hope that remains, but I am going to do my best to also help him a long the way. He loves fruits, I make him eat veggies and I eat a lot of lean meats. He does however have a sweet tooth, so I'm going to struggle with that one. He starts Kindergarten in the fall and I am enrolling him in Soccer and the Cub Scouts. He also is interested in Karate. Anything to get him moving I am for. He would be a couch potato if I let him. My parents probably think I'm a big nag, but I'm always telling them not to let him watch to much TV, to not eat too much junk. I don't blame them for anything, obviously I was putting the food in my mouth, but I wish more people stepped in and stopped me.


So with that said, I am also working on getting myself moving. At the recommendations of friends, I downloaded the Couch to 5 K App on my phone and started last night. I thought I might die before I was done that 25 minutes, but I did it. Huffing and puffing and sweating buckets I collapsed on the bed. But you know what? Sweaty and all, I felt good and I realized how very out of shape I am. I may have lost 65 lbs, but I am not in shape at all! I have been carrying around all this weight since I was a young child.

 My 8th Birthday Party, already heavy (left)

                                               


So this journey is no longer about weight loss for me, this is now about getting healthy. I don't want to be skinny fat, I want to be lean, healthy and solid. I'm sure I will have lots of extra skin to deal with as you can not stretch it to almost 300 lbs for over 75% of your life and expect it to be stretch mark free and smooth. But I will deal with that when I get to it.


This morning I got on the scale after working out last night and it was funny, the scale was 2 lbs less and I looked in the mirror at my shrinking self and I actually felt good about what I saw. I have a long way to go, but I will get there. I will not give up!!

See this smile?? Its real!! ;-)

                                                             

Day 7 with no Dairy

Well I am happy to say I have survived almost a full week with no dairy. I honestly thought this was going to be a huge challenge for me, but it hasn't been! I also feel terrific on top of that!! I did make a trip up to Whole Foods and found some great dairy alternatives to use when I'm really craving something or want to make a pizza or grilled cheese. I was pleasantly surprised that these non dairy items are actually pretty darn good! But I am being careful not to over do the soy or other products, I am trying to stick to whole foods, from the ground, less artificial sweeteners, less crap basically. Just real food. I am also gearing up to force myself to get up at 5:15 and work out starting tomorrow. I have really really been inspired by this girl, Amanda Tyson  https://www.facebook.com/amandaleightyson . I became a fan of her page last week after somebody on my friends list had commented on it. She was teased as a child, which I can relate to, bullied in school and started a Be Kind campaign. She tried out for the Biggest Loser, didn't make the cut and decided to keep at it on her own. She posts daily about her working out routines and food that she eats, along with lots of pictures. Not until yesterday did I discover she lived in Maine, in Scarborough actually!! Go figure!! So now of course I am an even bigger fan. ;-)

I also am please to report that I dropped 6 lbs since Sunday just from eating whole foods, cutting out dairy and following MAB strictly. I feel more motivated then ever. Now if I can just get myself up to popping in that P90X video. Eeeks!!!

Here is a lovely lemon garlic quinoa salad I made today. So yummy!

Day 2 Dairy Free

Well I have survived another day without my beloved cheese. I never in a million years thought I could live without dairy! But I am doing it, I really am. The odd thing about this is, not only am I living without dairy products, I don't really even miss them....yet. Plus I am so on track right now with my eating and following MAB. More so then I have in months! I find as I continue on this journey, those little thing you stop noticing creep back in. For instance, recently when I would  make my sons lunch, say a grilled cheese, I would take a bite of it, just one though, before I would give it to him. He would ask me a for a dessert and I would have just one bite. All those  "Just ones" add up after awhile. Today I really noticed.  I was making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and the thought crossed my mind to pop the knife in my mouth like I always do before putting it in the sink, but I didn't. All day I have noticed little things like that that I would do and not even think about it. I am much more aware of what I am doing and this was exactly the change up I needed to refocus and get back on track.

I have found that finding alternative products is a bit trickier following Mend-a-body. Since we follow an anti inflammatory low glycemic diet, finding products that are dairy free and not full of sugar and carbs is a bit of a challenge. I was so excited the other day when I purchased some products from the Tofutti line made up of tofu for cream cheese and sour cream. It tasted really really good and a pretty good substitute. I was really surprised! Then a friend pointed out that it had 2 grams of Trans fat in it! How I missed that when I read the label I don't know, but I was not pleased. I started searching on line and found tons of complaints from other consumers who were not happy that a supposed healthy food alternative had trans fat in it! Apparently Tofutti took notice and made another line that does not have the TF in it...but the local grocery stores still carry the regular line, not the TF free line. I called Whole Foods and they do carry the products I need, but what a pain to have to to go all the way to Portland just to be healthier.

Then I found quite a few ice cream alternatives made with Coconut Milk and Almond Milks. Woohooo, so excited, then I noticed the high fat and calories along with the boat loads of sugar added in! That will not help me lose weight. So I settled for a no sugar added version that was shockingly good. The fat content wasn't what I would have liked, but this will be as a special treat for when I really need it.

So this weekend it will be time to hit up Trader Joes and Whole Foods and hopefully not break the budget. I can't become house poor trying to lose weight no matter how good it is for me. I'm hoping to find lots of products without genetically manufactured additives and without loads of chemical replacements. Gosh when did I start caring about this sort of stuff?

Who said weight loss was easy and not complicated? I did it to myself, but sheesh, can I just eat a gallon of ice cream and some chips and slip into my tiny little bikini the following day? Everything must be so darn difficult, but I will get there someday!!

A Fresh start on my continued journey

So apparently I am a blogging slacker! I have not blogged since February, eeks. I need to refocus!


So here we are still on my weight loss journey, but today is different, I can feel it. I will explain why in a moment, let me first catch you up.


The scale has recently gone as low as 236, which is great since I started out at 294 and have gotten as high as 296. But not only have I been slacking in the blogging department, but I have also been slacking in motivation and temptation. Mend-a-body has really been life changing for me. This is the longest that I have been on a program in years and have stuck to it. Its easy to fall off sometimes, but its even easier to get back on. But you do need one thing...drive. My drive has been in comfort zone lately. I feel good, I feel like I look good, people compliment me all the time on my weight loss and I can't help but smile and feel confident. I am so much happier with my self....yet I still have more to go and the scale has not really budged in 2 months. The thing with MAB is even if the scale doesn't move, eating a low inflammation diet still keeps the inches falling off even if the numbers on the scale don't move. I'm pretty sure that is what people are seeing, which is what is important, but I of course want the numbers on the scale to move too, I'm only human. The other thing that I decided to do is become a MAB coach. I really love it and hope as my weight loss continues that I will get even more people inspired to join me on this journey. So that pretty much brings you up to speed.


So back to today and what is different about it. Two weeks ago I was standing in the grocery isle waiting to cash out and glanced over at a Womans World Magazine. The lady had lost 170 lbs and after around 60 lbs lost she hit a plateau and the weight wasn't coming off. Sounded like me, so intrigued I picked it up to browse through it. It said her secret weapon was eliminating dairy products and that the rest of her weight just fell off of her. Briefly it crossed my mind that maybe this was something I could try and then reminded myself what an addiction I have to cheese and cheese and oh yeah more cheese! I tossed the idea out of my mind because well giving up dairy would just be nuts! So I went home and started really noticing my cheese/dairy intake. It was a lot, even more then MAB recommends. Then I started googling things about dairy, how those products affect our blood sugar, how Milk is used a growth product in our small children. How no other species drinks the milk of another. The more I dug into the research the more I learned how obsessed we all are with cheese and milk! How we are deceived into thinking if we don't drink milk that we will all end up with osteoporosis. I also learned that it can affect your thyroid, which I have a problem with and the list goes on and on. So it took me a little over a week to prepare myself to give up cheese. I had already given up milk back in September when I started MAB, but cheese, well that is a doozy. I eat cheese on hot dogs and burgers. I make MAB pizza with cheese, I eat cheese sticks, cottage cheese, ice cream, whipped cream, even chocolate has dairy in them! Creams, yogurts, sour cream, cream cheese, oh my cheese. I eat cheese all darn day! Even my ranch dressing has dairy in it. Time for a change.


So at the end of September makes my 1 years since I started MAB, so while following the MAB rules, I am going to deduct cheese and other forms of dairy from my diet. I am also going to attempt to really keep things organic and as natural as possible. I am not opposed to Soy products but I want them to be real, not manufactured. I also am going to attempt to reduce my amount of splenda/sugar free products and stick to the basics of fruit, veggies and lean meats and less fake stuff.


Also with the help of my Vegan friend Michelle, she has really been helping me understand more about some of the replacement products that I can use, like Goats Milk, Almond and coconut milk, soy etc. I did find some substitutes in the local grocery store like Tofutti products and coconut milk ice creams etc. Finding things that are dairy free and low in sugar is difficult, but I found a few. I will be heading to whole foods and Trader Joes this weekend to see what they offer too. Plus she lent me her P90X program. Its time to get serious and kick it up. I have come too far to turn back now!


So today is Day One with no dairy. I am surviving. I am giving myself a challenge to try this for a full 90 days. Will I miss Pizza, yogurt, chocolate and ice cream? Yes of course. I love dairy and no I am not allergic. But for the possible health benefits its worth a shot. Will I eat Pizza again? Of course! Grilled cheese is not out of my life forever, but for right now its on hold while I figure out if this is something that will benefit my life. Who knows what path it will take me down.


So wish me luck!!




Tiff