Life as an over weight child

11  years old  

So something very odd has happened to me over the last week and half. Something that I have never cared about before is taking over me....this has been since I have stopped all dairy in my diet. I have suddenly become one of those moms that actually reads labels and what is added into my food. I have never cared about not buying foods that have 5 million ingredients, some I can't pronounce, heck most I can't pronounce or even know what they are. But suddenly I care. It immediately goes back on the shelf. Suddenly I am putting things back that have too many items on the list. This seems to be especially important to me as I pack my 5 year olds lunch box for summer camp. I want him to eat healthier, I want him to have more vegetables and fruits. I want him to have less processed crap, less sugar, less junk. So that is what I am working on changing up in my house. I don't know why I have not ever cared about this, maybe because I didn't care enough about myself or what I put in my mouth, but now I am so much more aware, especially as a mom. I have always referred to people that care about this sort of thing as "granola moms" or kind of crunchy. You know...the ones that buy organic only, don't shave their pits and legs and always smell of patchouli and the Natural Foods stores? Well non of that is going on yet lol, but I do want to make healthier food choices for my household, not just for me. I guess I just want better for my son. I want him to grow up healthier, I want him to not have to worry about his weight, I want him to eat REAL food, not processed crap that is killing all of us. Every time I go to Splashtown, or the beach or the ponds, I see so many over weight kids busting out of their bathing suits. They have huge stomachs, big rolls, and are chowing down on chips, desserts and crapola. That was me as a kid, I WAS that kid. I ate junk, I was chubby even then. If I knew that I wouldn't offend the kids mothers, I would say something to them, but I don't because its not my business. But I just want to say "what are you doing? Your kid will grow up to be me! STOP THIS BEFORE ITS TOO
LATE".


Above is me at age 11. Yes I know I was ultra stylish with my 90210 outfit! LOL Already an awkward age, but being heavy was not something that I would wish upon anyone, especially a child. I was teased, called fat, kids would snicker and make noises as I walked by. I was never part of the cool crowd, never into sports, I felt like I didn't fit in. I had friends that didn't care about that sort of thing, but I would have given anything to be one of the popular beautiful girls in school and I was anything but. I would come home from school depressed and was teased on the bus. People would say "moooo" or "fatty" as I walked from the back of the bus to the front. I always tried to get a seat in the front, but sometimes I couldn't. I remember having such anxiety the whole way home dreading when I had to walk by those mean boys calling me fat. I would go home crying to my mom that kids made fun of me. It was awful.


So I went home and did what made me feel better. I ate junk. I filled up on soda, chips, pop tarts, candy, grilled cheese, a whole box of Mac and Cheese, Oodles of noodles, Spaghetti O's and anything else that made me feel better. This was all BEFORE dinner, then I would eat a full meal with my family. I rarely got exercise and preferred to sit and watch TV. My life revolved around eating. When I was sad, I ate. When it was a holiday, I ate. When we celebrated something, we all ate. I didn't eat one serving of food either, I had 2 or 3, maybe even 4! I ate til I was stuffed full and could barely move and my stomach hurt.


Fast forward to a twenty something over weight adult at 276 lbs in 1998. I decided to take control of my weight and lost 65 lbs, I went out with friends, I felt terrific, I met my spouse. Several kids later and lots of heart ache (the death of my child) and all the weight piled back on and then some. Before I decided to make changes last year I was at 294 but saw the highest as 296 at one point. I never saw the 300 mark, and I'm thankful for that.


Now more than ever I do not want my child to suffer the same torment and teasing in school. So far he seems to have his fathers slender build and I hope that remains, but I am going to do my best to also help him a long the way. He loves fruits, I make him eat veggies and I eat a lot of lean meats. He does however have a sweet tooth, so I'm going to struggle with that one. He starts Kindergarten in the fall and I am enrolling him in Soccer and the Cub Scouts. He also is interested in Karate. Anything to get him moving I am for. He would be a couch potato if I let him. My parents probably think I'm a big nag, but I'm always telling them not to let him watch to much TV, to not eat too much junk. I don't blame them for anything, obviously I was putting the food in my mouth, but I wish more people stepped in and stopped me.


So with that said, I am also working on getting myself moving. At the recommendations of friends, I downloaded the Couch to 5 K App on my phone and started last night. I thought I might die before I was done that 25 minutes, but I did it. Huffing and puffing and sweating buckets I collapsed on the bed. But you know what? Sweaty and all, I felt good and I realized how very out of shape I am. I may have lost 65 lbs, but I am not in shape at all! I have been carrying around all this weight since I was a young child.

 My 8th Birthday Party, already heavy (left)

                                               


So this journey is no longer about weight loss for me, this is now about getting healthy. I don't want to be skinny fat, I want to be lean, healthy and solid. I'm sure I will have lots of extra skin to deal with as you can not stretch it to almost 300 lbs for over 75% of your life and expect it to be stretch mark free and smooth. But I will deal with that when I get to it.


This morning I got on the scale after working out last night and it was funny, the scale was 2 lbs less and I looked in the mirror at my shrinking self and I actually felt good about what I saw. I have a long way to go, but I will get there. I will not give up!!

See this smile?? Its real!! ;-)